Left photo: A little over two years ago. Just started getting into lifting after forcing myself to do cardio for months upon months. My eating disorder was still present around this time. I was not in a good place. My head was always foggy, and I had a hard time remembering things, which made it very hard for me to keep my grades up. I counted every single macronutrient that entered my body. I, sometimes, took cold showers in attempt to burn more calories. I felt fat and disgusted with myself, especially because I didn’t have a thigh gap. Oh God. That dang thigh gap.
Right photo: My most recent full body photo taken a few weeks ago. My brain has been able to hold copious amounts of amazing information without issues. I go out to eat with friends and family without worrying about calories. I have found that lifting is my preferred source of exercising, and I don’t force myself to do anything else if I don’t want to. I don’t view food as the enemy, but as the energy I need to fuel my body. I have learned to love my body beyond its physical aspects, and more so love its ability to recover from sickness, repair muscle tears, and respond to my hard work.
These photos only show the physical change I have experienced throughout the years, but I will forever cherish the change in my mental state that I have experienced alongside this journey.
And I’m definitely not saying I don’t have my days where I want to gain more in my shoulders, calves, and glutes, but lose weight on my thighs, face, thighs, under arms— and did I mention, thighs?
I am just more conscious of the fact that I would be digging my own grave going crazy over trying to change something overnight when I know that we can’t just simply spot reduce the areas we don’t like.
So instead of trying to change the things about myself that I don’t like, I have changed my attitude toward those things.
It’s not “why am I still so fat?” anymore, it’s “I’ve come a long way.”
It’s not “I want to be skinny” anymore, it’s “I want to be healthy”
It’s not “I hate myself” anymore, it’s “I will work on myself to be better”
Be kind to yourself.
Happy healing ✨